By Emily Winters
For a wide variety of reasons, it can be difficult for us as people to ask for help. Maybe we are afraid of admitting defeat. Maybe we feel like we don’t want to burden others with our problems. But this kind of negative thinking is a trap that can lead to more negative thinking, deeper bouts of lethargy and depression, and leave goals unaccomplished.
As students, we face much of this negative circular thinking. Plus, students have the added stress of perhaps not knowing the resources that their school may offer. Barriers like a sense of hopelessness or depression - especially as we enter the final weeks of the semester - can stop students from taking advantage of resources even if they are aware they are being offered, such as review sessions, drop-in tutoring, or student success coach appointments.
Self-Advocacy
It is important to practice self-advocacy, which means effectively communicating to others who you are, what you know, and what you need. Asking for help is not an admission of failure, but an honest admission to yourself and others that you recognize areas that you need another’s feedback or opinion to gain greater understanding and build your ability to efficiently apply concepts on your own. Vulnerability can be difficult! Sometimes we’d rather not face things or lean into things that we do not consider skills. However, in the long run, this will lead you on the road to greater confidence and ultimately, academic success!
According to Carolyne Guiliani, the first steps in self-advocacy are “knowing your worth” and “communicating your worth.” Do you feel like an imposter? Do you lack confidence in your scholarship and do not believe that - even with review sessions or tutoring - you will never be able to improve your grade?
Take a deep breath and reevaluate. First, go over what you do know. Then, recognize what you do not. Lack of understanding is not your fault and is not anyone’s fault, but going forward, it is your responsibility to yourself to admit this lack of understanding and take advantage of resources or seek them out! Like Guiliani writes, “Learning from others is how people grow.”
How to Ask for Help as a Student
Toni Bernhard for Psychology Today writes that one of the most important parts of asking for help is being direct. Do not imply your question or dance around it. People cannot always intuit what you are asking of them. This is a great tip for tutoring. When you are in a tutoring session, be direct with your tutor. Like I wrote above when discussing self-advocacy, arrive at the session knowing who you are and what you know - and what you hope to know. Ask the tutor direct and specific questions! In most cases, they do not know what you already know so this saves a step of repeating information that you already understand.
Ask for help early! This sometimes means seeking out tutoring or your professor during office hours even before you think that you are struggling with a concept. Even if you feel okay at the moment, it is important to seek review sessions and help on solidifying foundational concepts! The course will get more difficult the further we head into the semester.
Amanda Cross, writing for Chegg, continues on this topic, advising that you take your time with your questions! Write a list of questions or places that you feel weak in understanding. Bring this list with you when you go to tutoring or to meet with your Professor. Take your time going through the questions, and do not be afraid to ask follow-up questions!
Remember: your professor and tutors are working for you! We are all interested in seeing you succeed. You are not a burden on someone else’s time. Challenge yourself by attempting not to leave a session before you get through your list of questions!
Cross also writes that it is important to step outside of your comfort zone! Perhaps attending office hours or a review session is already outside of your comfort zone - that is extraordinary! If you have the capacity, continue to challenge yourself by adopting new ways of thinking about problems that you might not have considered before. Remember, meeting with others is a learning experience and a part of being a student and taking part in intellectual exchange!
Conclusion
In conclusion, at the Center for Learning and Student Success, we recognize that there are many barriers to seeking help, whether from our resources or others offered by Rutgers or elsewhere. In fact, many of us have faced the same or similar challenges, including feelings of hopelessness and negative circular thinking.
But the first step to asking for help is recognizing - and feeling - that you are not alone! We are here to let you know that you are not alone.
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